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Click below to let us know you read this article, and wiki How will donate to Trek to Teach on your behalf.Thanks for helping us achieve our mission of helping people learn how to do anything.I was recently invited to speak at the Women of Wisdom group in Clark County, Oregon, a support group sponsored by Quest in Portland, an agency for women who are HIV-positive. “How do I say no to sex and save face without losing respect for myself? If you get hurt or are in trouble, it makes it harder to be a good mother or friend or parent or worker or even just a human being. The HIV positive partners who were undetectable and had condomless sex did not infect their partners.They asked me to talk about sex and dating when you’re an HIV-positive woman. And then I reminded them of something that I feared might become an issue during our time together – the “I got HIV the good way and she got HIV the bad way” pecking order game that no one wins. This is achieved through consistent, daily use of a person’s HIV medication.Since I am not personally HIV-positive, I was concerned at first about my ability to speak to the topic. To date, not one person with an undetectable viral load has transmitted the virus.But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that, although some issues may be different, the most important ones are the same – safety, consent and communication. Still, the risk of transmitting HIV if you have an undetectable viral load is not zero.I started our discussion by asking that we put the “Four Agreements” in place to keep us on track. Viral load spikes have been known to occur in between regular check ups, so you can never be sure if you are undetectable for certain. Then I dove right into the questions that the women had given to me ahead of time. If someone makes you feel unsafe or unsure or uncomfortable or anything, you have a right and a responsibility to say no and to walk away. “How do I date without having to constantly explain myself? The trick is to practice saying it and not to be attached to a certain result when it comes to how what you have to say is received. ” A two-year study was done with serodiscordant heterosexual and homosexual couples. We all have a status, positive or negative, and we can’t raise ourselves up by bringing others down. We have to take care of ourselves first before we can take care of other people. We have to grow to understand that what the person says is about them and not about you. “How do I date without fear of infecting my partner? And you likely worry a lot about infecting your partner. But it can’t stop you from seeking the love and acceptance that you deserve and that is most certainly out there.So if you are not partnered, you may still want to use a condom whether you are HIV-positive or negative.